I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
