He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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