I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
