I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
