Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
