How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize