I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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