And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
