She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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