I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
