He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
