Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
