This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
