I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize