he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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