Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
