if i can run in heels then i can drive
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
