I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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