Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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