He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
