2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
