i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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