We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
