I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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