Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
