We're facebook friends in real life
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
