That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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