I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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