The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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