I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
