i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize