The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
