Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
