we have officially lost it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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