apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
