why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
