Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
