Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
