I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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