I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
