Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
