I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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