honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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