How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
