His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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