Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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