how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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