White coat. Heels.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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