dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize