i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
