theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im holly from the hills drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
