I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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