if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
