I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
