if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
