i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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