Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
