my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
