I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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