i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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