You made me cry and you don't even care
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
