There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
